“I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning…”

Sohma Kyo threw yet another failed copy of a goodbye letter and sank into the nearest chair, defeated.  There was just no way he could walk out of Tohru’s life and justify it on paper.

Yep, it was the day before graduation.  Four years had gone by in the blink of eye, or so it seemed to him.  Wasted time, with the exception of befriending the girl.  Not that he had mean to, but it had just happened.  And let’s not get started about falling in love with her…

Of course, to spare his own heartache and any unecessary pain he might inflict upon her with his sudden leaving, he’d kept his feelings a secret.  They might have said it was better to have loved and lost than never to yada-yada-yada, but obviously “they” were not possessed by vengeful Zodiac spirits and infatuated with the Honda girl.  So she’d never know, and maybe in time would be able to forget ever knowing him.

“I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know…”

He spared a glance at his bedside clock.  It was late, but then again, he wasn’t planning on wasting his last few hours of freedom by sleeping.  And he wasn’t just going to sit here, either.  With a sigh, he got up and headed for the kitchen downstairs.

Blinking so his eyes could adjust to the darkness, he recognized a small figure sitting at the table, their head lowered and arms sprawled in sleep.  With a ghost of a smile, he went to Tohru and stared at her peaceful face, committing it to memory.

He wondered what she’d do after high school.  Maybe college, or perhaps she’d add even more hours to her already demanding work schedule.  Eventually she’d have to settle down with a kids and a husband…Kyo bit his lip.  He just had to accept that the second position wouldn’t be filled by him.  Yes, everything would be perfectly happy.

The Sohma boy reached down to stroke her hair, caught himself, clinched his hand and went to the door, closing it a little louder than he liked.

“I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you”

Kyo jammed his hands in his pockets and began to head for the city.  Sitting on the roof just didn’t satisfy him anymore.  It was a thinking place.  And he couldn’t think.  He had to be doing something--anything--to keep the hours from passing by meaninglessly.

His footsteps echoed down the empty streets.  Everyone was either in bed or well into third shift.  They’d never know about the orange-haired cat-boy who wandered among them and then was taken away forever.  They’d never know so much.

Kyo groaned softly.  He was thinking again.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away…”

He found himself right in front of Tohru’s workplace.  Who knew how many hours of her precious life she’d spent there, cleaning to the point of exhaustion just for minimum wage.  And then, even worse, she’d go to her house and cater to the whim of three spoiled males and their occasional guests.  Such willpower was truly amazing, especially in someone so small.

The Sohma boy felt a pang of regret.  How many days had he been too “busy” to escort her home from work?  And, to further his misery, how many times had he been too caught up with himself to spend time or even be kind to her?  It was a miracle that she’d put up with him, considering what a basket case he was.  But that was Tohru for you--much too selfless for her own good.  She’d laugh or cry with you, often both.

“And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear…”

Her smile could brighten the cloudiest day, almost bringing actual warmth to one’s body.  Her tears were unpredictable and always for others.  Come to think of it, she usually cried because it had something to do with him.  Something he did or said, maybe even shedding a tear over his past once or twice.  It was stupid to waste her time like that, but he grudgingly admitted that her sensitivity was kind of cute.

Who was he kidding?  Everything about her was adorable.  Her constant, perky humming as she did chores, her poor attempts at karate, her child-like naïveté when Shigure breached a raunchy topic…he shook his head at the last one.  Yes, she was perfect to him.

Resuming his walk, he passed the park, a shrine, and other places that they’d visited or reminded him of a trip he’d taken with the girl at one time or other.  Pleasant memories came over him like rain, washing away the dirt of fear and doubt.

It seemed that the sun began to rise only minutes later.  Kyo turned around and began to trudge back from where he had come, hesitating as he passed over the threshold of the silent house.

“I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know…”

The seemingly still-sleeping Honda Tohru didn’t stir as he slipped off his shoes.  Kyo padded across the room and upstairs, then began changing into his uniform for the last time.  It was only a half earlier than the girl’s normal wake-up time, he realized.  He didn’t have much time left.

A few more half attempts at farewell notes were taken, but they were finally stopped when light began to leak into his room.  The Sohma boy stepped back to see it for the last time--small, messy space filled with various insignificant items.  Nothing much, but he had spent quite a bit of time in here over the years.  It was at least better than where he was going.

He descended once more to a just-waking Tohru, still stretching and rubbing her eyes.  She yawned a greeting.

Taking a seat beside her,  Kyo restlessly tapped his fingers against the table top.  “It’s Graduation Day.”  

She nodded slowly.  “Are you nervous, Kyo-kun?”

“No,” he answered honestly.  Not about that, at least.

Tohru leaned on one arm and studied the boy with wary eyes.  “I didn’t think so.”  She scratched her messy hair and yawned once more.  “So why did you go out walking?”

It was a perfectly innocent question, he reasoned.  He fumbled for an answer that was true but just vague enough.  “You know…stuff’s going to be changing for us.  We’re going to go our separate ways.”

She nodded sleepily, then stood up to start cooking breakfast.

“I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you…”

Kyo searched for his next sentence.  “And I guess…well, just in case I don’t get the chance, I just wanted to say thanks.  For everything.”

The girl turned around to listen closer.  The boy vaguely realized that he was rambling.  “You’ve taken care of me--all of us--and you’re always positive, and I’m--PEOPLE--are going to miss you…”

She smiled softly.  “I tried…” she whispered, with somewhat of a bitter edge to her voice.  Nah--Kyo brushed it off as nerves.

He stood hastily and walked to her.  The guy didn’t think he could handle Yuki or Shigure today.  With as best a smile as he could muster, he held out a hand.

“Thank you,” he said evenly.

He was slightly surprised when she shook it without giving him an odd look or question.  Maybe she was just used to his strange mannerisms.

“You’re welcome,” she said with her cheerful smile.

“I found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do…”

There was no need for a hug that hoped for no transformation.  No caresses.  Most certainly no kiss.  She knew he appreciated her, and that was that.  

With one last look at her face--a picture he would never forget--, Kyo turned for the door.  And he didn’t look back…

If he had, he would have seen her knowing tears.

“…And the reason is you.”