Parody 1:  It’s “Artistic”

(Miley arrives on another Vanity Fair shoot)

Photographer: Now, I was thinking we’d do it like this:  you’re in front of a horse, wearing polka dot clown shoes, eating a slice of bologna, and your eyes are crossed.

Miley:  Um, that doesn’t sound too bad, but…

Photographer:  Oh, and I forgot to mention.  You’re nude…apart from the shoes.

Miley:  What?!  I can’t do that!  What would mom and dad say?  What about the press and the media?  Remember last time?  Think of my loyal fans!

Photographer: But, uh, it’s….artistic?

Miley:  Oh, okay, then!

(begins stripping)


2 WEEKS LATER…

CNN reports on Miley Cyrus--”The Next Britney Spears?”  Once again, young Miley Cyrus has posed for Vanity Fair--this time fully nude.  What exactly was the fifteen year old thinking?  

“It’s artistic,” is all that she offers in response.


Parody 2: What is that sound?

(Miley and producers are in recording studio)

Producer:  Here, we want you to listen to this…(presses play button on some recording device)

(The music is nothing short of mind-shattering noise.  Screaming, shrieking, tone-deafness and overpowering back-up vocals.  On a personal note, it sounds rather like my cousin when she’s attempting to sing Paramore songs…)

Miley:  (covering ears) Turn it off!  Turn it off!  (they do) What is that horrible sound?!

Producer:  Remember last week when you decided you wanted your CD to be unfiltered…?

Miley:  Yeah…?

Producer:  That’s it.

Miley:  That’s me?!  

Producer:  Don’t worry.  We’re re-doing it as we speak.

Miley:  Shew, that’s a relief.  Does Disney know about this?

Producer:  Not unless you want them to…

Miley/Producer:  *maniacal laughter; lightning strikes*


Parody 3:  On the set

(Miley, Mitchell, and what’s-her-name Osment record an episode of the T.V. show)

Mitchell:  Hannah, how could you do this to me?

Miley:  Like this!

*beat of silence*

Osment kid: Okay, okay, I’ve got a joke!  Knock knock:

Miley:  Shut up!

Osment:  Hey, that’s not how it goes!

*beat of silence*

(Jackson comes in, dressed in drag)

Jackson:  Well, helloooo nurse!

*polite coughing*

Miley: (breaks away from character to talk to director)  What gives?  Where’s the laugh track?

Director: Well, we thought about taking the show a step further.

Miley:  So…?

Director:  Well, we thought a live audience would help…

Miley:  But they’re not laughing!  Why aren’t they laughing?!  (shouts at audience)  C’mon guys, I’m funny, right?!

Audience: *cricket chirps*

Miley:  That’s it!  (jabs Director)  You will MAKE them laugh!

Director:  (points at sound booth)  Cue it, Bill!

*laugh track*

Miley:  Ah, much better!  


Parody 4: My song

(Miley and her producers are in the recording studio)

Producers:  Okay Miley, we’ve decided on your first single, titled-

Miley:  Wait, I actually wanted you to listen to my own song.  Wrote and sang it myself.

Producer:  Well, I don’t know-

Miley:  *dagger glare; hissing*  Do ittttt!

Producer:  Yes ma’am!

(takes her CD and puts it in player.  Singing is just as bad as in Parody 2 ((see above)). Producers are forced to cover ears in attempt to minimize hearing loss.  Miley bops along to the sort-of tune, oblivious.)

CD:  …Oh I love ponies, ‘cuz they go nay!  Nay!  And I like rainbows because they’re so prettiful!  And goldfish taste so goody good good!  And I am the bestest bestest singer in the whole wide world and I love to tap-

Producer:  I can’t take it, man!  (dive-bombs out window)

Other Producer:  (turns off player)  Well, that was certainly…something, Miley.  Actually, we might be able to use that.

Miley:  Really?

Other Producer:  Sure! *cough* no way man *cough*  It really sounds a lot like the song we wrote, so maybe we can combine them…

Miley:  Great!

3 weeks later…

“Everybody Makes Mistakes” hits the charts


Parody 5: An unfortunate incident

(Miley Cyrus practices backstage right before her “Best of Both Worlds” Concert.  An adorable little girl comes in, with big puppy eyes and clutching an autograph book.)

Little girl:  Miley Cywus?

Miley:  Yeah kid, what do you want?  (sees magazine reporters outside room)  *cough cough*  Um, I mean, how sweet!  Can I do something for you?

Little girl:  Cut the crap, Miley.  Little Joe wants his dues.  

Miley:  I can’t pay that now!

Little girl:  I was afraid of this- *whistles* get ’er, boys!

(The Mafia descends.  There is an abundance of glorious roundhouse kicking.)

20 minutes later…

(Producer runs in to find Miley semi-conscious on the floor)

Producer:  Miley!  What happened?

Miley:  The Mafia…couldn’t pay…drug money…nude pictures of…Vanessa Hudgens…under desk…monkey…whips…

Producer:  You’re delirious, woman! (checks under desk just to be sure.  Vanessa in all her unclothed glory--15 pictures worth--are stapled under there)  Uh…(stuffs in pocket)

(Publicist runs in)

Publicist:  What happened?!

Producer:  I don’t know, but we’ve got to think up something to save her rep!

The next day…

The New York Times reports--”Child Star Injured While Volunteering in Orphanage”  Miley Cyrus, now recuperating in a Hollywood hospital, is suffering from several broken bones, and above all, a broken heart.  While visiting a local children’s home right before her concert last night, Cyrus saw a puppy stuck in a nearby tree.  Refusing to call the fire department and wait, the fifteen year old heroically climbed up to fetch the dog.  Successfully grabbing it and passing it to others on solid ground, the girl lost her balance and fell into the street while a bus was coming.  She had time to escort an old lady across the crosswalk before she was hit.  Miley says she apologizes to all her fans about the canceled concert tour, but needs all the money to pay for her hospital bill.


                 THE END